For GAZA

I wrote this last night, thinking & hoping it will all end over soon for our brothers & sisters in GAZA.

Ramai yang Melayu, tapi bukan Islam.

Ramai yang membudayakan adat, tapi terhegeh-hegeh cari orang surau untuk menguruskan jenazah. 

Ramai yang mempersoalkan tapi lupa untuk soal diri sendiri.

Ramai yang fasih beberapa bahasa sehinggakan di sekeliling kagum namun belum tentu dapat menjawab pertanyaan di alam kubur.

Ramai yang berkata "Nahhh it's ok we still got time.." tanpa menyedari malaikat maut ada di depan.

Ramai yang berdoa agar anak mereka menjadi soleh dan solehah tapi lupa untuk perbaiki diri sendiri.

Ramai yang berani hidup dengan pemahaman "You only live once" namun mereka kecut apabila dengar tentang mati.

Ramai yang buta dan pahami dunia tapi ada yang juga yang celik dan mensiakan kurniaan Allah.

Ramai yang bernafas tapi mereka mati sebenarnya.

Am I perfect?

Are you perfect?

Are they perfect?

No.

But we can try to be.

Of blazer and cheetah

I got this blazer few months back when I was walking aimlessly in Mines Shopping Mall. When I saw the cheetah prints, I just had to had it. Plus, it was on sale and the length is below the butt. Score!

Rawwrrr!

Btw, this shawl is the side-fringe style introduced by TudungPeople. Check out the tutorial below, love how I can have full frontal cover :)

Bright, sunny Friday

Well, cos it's a Friday :)

Yellow inner neck bought at pasar malam, yellow Karmalisa rectangular shawl, baby blue ribbon pins and black blazer with cheetah prints (I shall  upload a better pic of it later)

Current boards

Evolved, and growing ;) I can squeeze 4 more for the time being, nice!

Lagenda Ombak KL Sempit Balik Rumah Short Film - #DGTVparody

It's out! *cringe* LOL

Rocking the softness, c'est gentile

White shirt? Checked.

Black clutch? Checked.

Jackie O sunnies? Checked.

Soft chiffon pale blush skirt? Checked.

Just add the hijab and I'm off.

I have yet to find the perfect leather biker jacket, that can be worn is this scorching weather and the perfect addition to this rock chic palette.

All images taken from Google.

These boots are made for walking baby!

Mission: to get meself a pair of knee-length boots and a pair of wellies.

Yayyy!

Hawt.

Since it has been a rainy season, slipping into a pair of wellington is a must!

Splish splash!

Of blues and H

Watched TED. Laughed till imaginary snoot came out. Love Ted. Am glad I have my very own Teddy.

Decided to let my cheetah bow show with this shawl, love this top/dress I bought at Sg Wang Plaza!

Dreamy wedding arch

Over the weekend, I went to a friend's wedding and fall in love with their arch. Screams magical, innit?

Kameadanella's beaded kaftan, Karmalisa's yellow shawl and my trusted Chanel.

Romantic dinner date

This is what it has become, helping him to mark papers over dinner ;)

My kitteh

Went back to hometown recently and loaded up kisses and hugs for this lil' guy.

Lights camera action!

To those who knows me, one of the thing that they would say about me is how big my drama queen is. Mega. Huge. Catastrophly huge hehehe. From small, I love (and still does) acting up in front of the mirror in my room. I would be transferred to somewhere far beyond, playing different characters complete with lines (talking in hushed voice, of course) influenced by the tv programmes and movies back in the 80s and early 90s. Therefore, it was no surprise when I started to get involve in theatre back in high school. The feeling of being on stage and reliving someone else’s life experience is out of this world. Keeps my sanity in check and I guess I understand better on human being, rather than just being cooped up in my own little world.

I was heavily active in theatre the most back in uni days. Done two major shows; one was a musical and the other one was broadway, I realised that theatre acting is not only what I’m passionate about but I’m also pretty damn good in it *sniggers*

Dielle the Musical 2007, performed at MATIC Auditorium. 

Whoa! Willow 2008 (Original Casts, performed at Panggung Bandaraya DBKL)

After graduation, mid life crisis kicked in and I entered the gloomy of working. Well, not really gloomy as I look forward to end of each month for that shopping spree *glee*. So after a three year hiatus from the stage, I recently started updating my profile and going for auditions and casting. One of it was for TJTV. When we did the shooting, I was told that the shoot is for DG TV Parody and they’re taking bits and pieces from famous local movies like Adnan Sempit and Ombak Rindu. My scene also involved elements from In Time, the movie played by Justine Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried. So anyhow, I came on that Saturday thinking that I would be acting along Lisa Surihani but no lines.

Ten minutes before I was called, director said that I am to act with Shaheizy Sam and I have lines! As it’s my first time behind rolling lens, boy I freaked out like mad. But of course, all of it are in me, never on the face. Sam was great, he helped a lot by him getting into his character and annoyed me which then brought my character out. Below are some pics from the shoot.

*this pic was a bit dark because it was an indoor shoot and there weren't enough bright lights.

It's a wrap!

Definitely had a blast with the actors and the crew. However, I think I'm more suited for theatre.

Current project :)

Suffering from Pinterest-itis.

I'm so addicted to Pinning!

Love love love all my boards!

Greedy for Grief

You forget that...

When you’re suffering, I’m suffering as well.

When you’re not sleeping, I can’t sleep as well.

When you’re in pain, I’m in pain as well.

When you think of her, she’s on my mind as well.

When you’re hurting, I am hurt as well.

When you feel all alone, I am alone as well.

When you’re frustrated, I am in rage as well.

When you lost hope, my shoulders drop down as well.

When you stare into nothing, I am seeing what you’re seeing as well.

When you lose the will to go on, I become less nonchalant as well.

When you get fed-up because you care, I experience the same as well.

When you decide to leave, I am heartbroken as well.

When finally you see the hope for a good night’s sleep, I lay peacefully as well.

Image taken from http://holycrapwerehavingababy.wordpress.com

It’s hard to not be greedy when you’re grieving but there are so many that loved her, and they are grieving as well, in their own way.

Mak would understand - the full story

This post is not intended for anyone, although it may have been sparked by someone.

Mak would understand

1. why I need to spend for my lingerie at Marks & Spencer instead of 10-ringgit-bra-sizes-only-up-to-CupC at Jusco.
2. the change in behaviour during monthly bleeds.
3. what a big slap it is in the face when you have endometriosis and you're faced with the possibilities of infertillity.
4. that washing dishes all day long will aggravate your back pain and worsens your slipped disc.
5. if you don't feel like doing it, then don't do it.
6. how annoying and frustrating it is to have to do the house chores on your own because everyone else moves too slow or worse, ignorant towards it.
7. there are times when you just wanna be rude and be alone and this happens not because you ask for it but because the worst pain in the world, besides child birth, is churning down your pipes.
8. the importance of chocolates.
9. that when you go to someone's house and you want to leave early, not because you hate them but you have tons of house chores waiting back home.
10. and giggles when I talk about him.
11. that all women need to shop, no matter how little you will spend, and even if it's at the pasar malam or at some DIY store.
12. my preference to buy groceries at a supermarket because they have everything on one floor and they provide trolleys.
13. why I need a special room for my clothes and shoes, only.
14. the importance of arriving at the mall before 10am on sale day.
15. that before marriage, I need to be excused for me-time when he calls.
16. how I need her to be beside me during my akad nikah.
17. how frustrated I can be when others are bitchy to me, and she would give them a piece of her mind.
18. that it is a life-requirement for you to look good when you step out of the house.
19. that one can never have too many baju kurungs.
20. why sometimes the aircond should not be turned off.
21. why you just need to splurge on that gorgeous handbag.
22. my inner desire to flirt with that hot guy, in silence of course.
23. that we tend to have difficulty in falling asleep because we tend to think of who will take care our loved ones when we're gone.
24. that we should never accept anyone bullying us; be it at school, at work, in life from anyone at all.
25. and applaud if I fight back to those bitches.
26. what I want to eat when I'm sick, without me informing her.
27. that sometimes, I really hate men and I want to kill them.
28. how stupid people affects you in a way that you want to kick them and walk away quickly.
29. I rather not walk in a hot weather and ruin my shoes/clothes/hair(previously)/tudung(now)/make-up.
30. me from far away, eventhough we are parted by continents.

Mak would simply understands.



Allahyarhamah Rabaiyah Ahmad, best mum ever!

Perfect's Imperfections

Either we are the culprit or the victim. And sometimes, even both. We all have been through it, annoying and annoyed. But almost everyone does it unintentionally (well, maybe more on unaware with intentions) until someone points it out.

For me, I'm guilty for both. Filled with unexplained emotions, my best argument would be seeking for attention. I am a Libran, after all. My main question is, for me and you, is how do we really manage it? What should be done about it? I've found myself easily annoyed with family, especially my parents and the devil inside seems to whisper that they should know better not to annoy me (nowhere near the humble pie - sad).

But what do you do? They're your parents, after all. At times, I find myself trying to restraint from replying with a slightly raised voice. You may however psyche your mind to behave with the reminder not to fury Allah S.W.T. by hurting your parents.

Your loved one? Him? Her? Any solution to that? What if the level of annoying hits ground zero and both get fed up and resulted to be in silence, in the so-called attempt to achieve serenity? And even worst, something bad happens after you've said goodbye/goodnight and that silly frustration was all you ever have of your last moment together. Not a good picture eh?

Therefore, I'm telling this not just to you readers but to myself.

Giving in to stop a fight or a moment of frustration does not mean you're weak, it just says you cherish and value his/her imperfections.

Because one is not enough

My camera is nowhere to be found, therefore no updates and this blog will be quite dusty :(

Daddy's daily requirement

Must have. Apparently, I'm the only one who does it best. Apparently la.

1. Water used must be boiling hot. Literally when the kettle's light turned off, immediately put it in the mug with the tea bag.

2. Close the lid, and wait for a while. Best colour is when it gets dark.

3. Mix enough with milk and pull until the bubbles become frothy.

4. To know whether you've done it right, the bubbles stays for quite some time. If it starts to evaporate, then there's too much milk.

Goals in life, what they should have taught you

Growing up, I had these in mind:

1. Study hard, must get all As in exams.
2. Get into a good, well-recognised, expensive yet flowing-with-coolness university.
3. Learn to drive, maintain that probation license and don't ran into accidents where you are the cause of it.
4. Get a good job, so that you can spend, spend and spend more!
5. If you're going to get boyfriends, he must be hot, cute, from a rich family, has a car or gutsy enough to drive his parents' car to bring you out on dates. (note the usage of plural there)
6. Latest handphones and gadgets are THE main accessories. Other accessories like bling bling are a must as well.
7. Learn to cook if you must, but keep all the delivery numbers close by.
8. Once I have a job, must get a car and a house.
9. Life's too short! Bikinis and beach, here I come!
10. Hair must always be fabulous, spending money in saloons are required.

Now, I realised it should have been all these.
Alhamdulillah, these are what I'm focusing at for the moment (and hopefully it gets better as I age):

1. To cover my aurah and wear modest clothes for the sake of my Creator and not for the fashion of it.
2. Achieving daily mission of completing 5-times prayers.
3. Reciting correctly and understanding the meaning of the Quran, especially surah Al-Fatihah.
4. To not fear death and accept it wholly as it's only a 'holiday' ticket for you before the Judgement Day.
5. Working hard to enter Jannah or the heaven/paradise because it is so cool, wonderful and amazing, you wonder why you didn't yearn to enter it before. All you could think of is Hell and what it will do to you, but even so you were ignorant back then.
6. To not be so obsessed with dunya and to think more of hereafter.

♥♥♥ August Romance ♥♥♥

Come August, the Hashim's would celebrate 3 momentous occasions:

• Yong's Birthday

• Mak & Ayah's Anniversary

• Ayah's Birthday

Lately, my mind wanders frequently to mak and, being it's Ramadhan month and all, that longing-ness for her scent and touch keeps growing stronger and stronger.

I have always looked up to my parents everytime I go on dates or look for that potential 'someone'. You see, my parents are the most normal couple on Earth, they fight and they have their differences but it somehow gels together and it's almost impossible to not see them in sync.

My mum never fails to take care of her husband & family, even when she's sick and she can barely move. Yet, you would hear her clammering pots and pans in the kitchen with what's left of her strength.

My dad works hard, day and night, always on the lookout for new projects so that he can be confident when he tells us not to worry about splurging when it comes to food, as long as there's no wastage.

My mum may look strict, especially when she raises one of her eyebrows if she's not happy, and she may be the hated teacher at school because she will make you pay for what wrongs you've done but she never gives up on her students. One of them has become so successful in popiah business back in Ipoh that everytime I drop by, he remembers mak and so thankful to her that she pushed him to chase for success.

My dad has the all-time strictness look, with his beard and his deep growl voice, and though boys may pee in their pants calling up the house and trying to talk to me when he answered the phone, he has the biggest heart any man can have when it comes to humanity and always, always put others first before his needs.

One special trait of ayah that I'm so thankful I've found in him is the enormous care of love. Ayah would really not sleep watching mak sleeps just to make sure she's still breathing. That's why you would find ayah sleeping after Subuh, around 8am, even now that mak is no longer around. I'm thankful that only by calling or reading a text from me saying that I'm not well, bubur McD would arrive with some meds, 100 Plus or other food that I can consume at that time.

Yes, my parents have flaws. We all have flaws. We are all humans. But my parents strive to be the best for themselves and their loved ones. That's what made them awesome, and that's why my doa will forever be for them, until my last breath.

During the umrah trip (mak's last one in  April 2011), ayah was pushing mak in her wheelchair, as usual. This happened few days before she passed, and she said to ayah as they were going uphill, "Ni nanti kat akhirat tayanglah mike tolak teman." translated "They will show and display this in the hereafter, of how you steered my wheelchair for me." Ayah's eyes glistened that at that time she is already talking about hereafter, and as old folks saying that it's usually a sign that they're about to leave the world, she passed away few days after that, slightly before Subuh.

Umrah trip, 2008

Ayah so happy, waving back at us. Couldn't really see mak's face but that was she used to look like, tired.

I stumbled upon this pic in my inbox and I realised that this was before mak was told to do her dialysis. Even then, ayah faithfully brings her in the wheelchair, eventhough ayah's health was not really at its best, he didn't show it to mak and kept on smiling, just to be able to be with her.

To August, you have been a special month for me and you will always be for the Hashim's.

Pinkish Burberry

He surprised me over the weekend with this :)

Visit to the vet

Brought Boboi to the vet for his 2nd vaccination. Reached home, he was extra 'manja', all lovey dovey and insisted to sleep on me.

My son *sigh*

Of covering aurah and medical check-ups

Obviously, I had no qualms about this before. Never even crossed my mind to be worry about such things.

But since my hijrah, I realised that I do think about it and take into consideration earlier. But somehow, I don't know, maybe due to the culture and surrounding (which is just a reason actually) that I find myself a bit slow to ensure that my aurah is covered during medical check-ups.

The other day when I had to do an X-ray scan, I completely forgot that I will need to be naked under the hospital's robe. Which is fine if the robe has long sleeves but that's not the case in Malaysia. The sleeves are short. Damn. What should I do? In the panic of making the radiographer guy wait (yes, which made me even more panicky) I quickly went out the changing room because I didn't want to make him wait. So stupid of me. I should have made sure that I was comfortable enough to step out, instead I thought of his feelings because I didn't want to delay his work. Sigh.

And that day I wore a chiffon shawl which it went around and around my head, not the usual sarung-and-go hijab. Since there can be no metal, I had to take off the shawl. Now, when I think about it, I could have just taken off the metal pins and put on the shawl. But nooooo, I didn't. I'm so mad at myself now :(

So, what did I finally wore? The short-sleeve hospital robe and my inner which only covered my hair but not neck. Ya Allah, forgive me. I should have been more aware and prepared.

Few days after that, I went back to do my MRI. I even brought along my long-sleeve inner to wear so that they may cover my arms. I felt like slapping my head, hard. I didn't wear it. I don't know why but I didn't. But I did wear a proper hijab, so that's covered. But my arms weren't :(

With my healthcare background (I used to work in the hospital) and previous current experience, let me share some tips (which is also pointing to myself as well) on what hijabis and muslimahs need to be extra cautious of when they're at the clinic/hospital:

• It doesn't matter if you're wearing abaya or everyday clothes, you are required to don the hospital's robe during medical consultation/X-ray scan/MRI scan and other procedures. Bring a long sleeve top/inner that you can wear inside the robe. If you're doing a whole body procedure, then bring a loose pants, just in case.
• Don't forget your socks! Since there's no metal required there, there's no reason for you to not wear it. Unless, the procedure is at your feet or toes.
• Wear hijabs/tudungs that you can put on without the need to use pins. Bring also a small one that covers your hair and neck, just in case.
• Since we are not VIPs or dignitaries that can specifically request for everyone helping us to be females, there will be males who will be assisting you or present during the procedure. Make sure you are wary of this and just inform them if you are not comfortable with their presence and prefer to have a female nurse instead. 
• Leave fancy schmancy inner wear such as bras and knickers with any metal details. Metals interrupt any scan process so save yourself the embarrassment and opt for comfy cotton ones. 

It is true that in some circumstances especially in medical, women are allowed to expose their aurah in seeking treatment for their health. But I feel, let's not take this simply and easily. Let's try very hard to take care of our aurah, no matter what.

OMB - Oh my back!

My cries and agony of back pain since last year was caused by a disc slipped in between L4 and L5. It is also called Herniated Lumbar Disc. Lumbar section lies at the end of our back bone, hence why it's called 'L'. As I look at the MRI images, I was amazed at "How in the world it could become like that?"

Just some images that I found on the web on my condition (I couldn't upload my MRI images, files are too hu-u-ge):

See the spot where it spilled over? That's causing the pain.

Even looking at this feels painful.

Ouchie!

Different conditions that may affect you.

All images are taken from Google Images

For the treatment, I have to go for physiotherapy. If pain persists or worsens, I have to do spinal injection. If no improvement... well, let's not think about that for now. Relief that immediate surgery is not an option, yet.

I do strongly advocate to those who have been suffering from any pain, doesn't have to be solely on backpain, please do see a doctor and do a full check-up, not just do an X-ray scan. Yes, it may thins your wallet or bank account but the important thing is to get it diagnosed and seek treatment so you know what not to do to worsens it.

Whatever it is, I am grateful and thankful to Allah for this rezeki. Yes, you read it right. I see this as a rezeki for me to think of Him more, to slow down in life, to do more ibadah and to really take care of myself. 

Positive thinking is always the best medicine to recovering :)

Honeycreeper

I got to meet my new baby just now! AHY and my fave number, all decked in gleamy royal purple!

How does it look like?



Alhamdulillah, murahkanlah & halalkanlah rezeki ku. Amin.

Colour-block palette with a touch of English Rose

What I wore at the Being ME Conference :)

Inner neck: TudungPeople's Najwaa Cream
Shawl: TudungPeople's Azraa Collection Limited Edition
Blazer: Kitschen's hot pink
Dress: Thepoplook's Empire Combo Maxi in Mustard
Bag: 'H' clutch in saddle bought in Ipoh

Empowering Muslimahs (Women are HIGHLY valued in the eyes of Allah) - Part 2

Me, being a human, was starting to feel sleep at this point of time. With the great lunch, great company and of course, the amazing feeling of attending the conference (which of course, I never would have imagine doing so 10 years ago), my eyes started to drop bit by bit. Work of shaiton, defnitely, jiggling their asses on my eyelids.

Me. Be Me. Geddit? Be ME!

But I quickly woke up when the next speaker was introduced. Dr. Fadila Grine reminded me the jamaahs that I met during my umraa, she makes you feel you just wanna go up to her and hug her tightly. Some of her highlights were,


"What is our idea of change? We need to feel the fear."


"Negatively, fear the fear. Positively, fear Allah."


"Allah created us but we make ourselves."


"Responsible for ourselves first, only then to others."


"Hijab is not hiding you, hijab is meant to hide your aurah only."


"Change is real, it's not magical. Our nature is adventurous, just look at a 5-year old."


"The history of Islam during the 6th and 7th century should be referred to as our inspirations."


"Shaiton has a goal, to bring us away from our faith. So why don't WE have a goal as well?"


"If you have to change but you don't change, Allah will punish you."


"Nabi Muhammad SAW recite Astagfirullahalazim 100 times, to invite rahmat to come."


"Change to alleviate our relationship with Allah."


"Disbelieve to believe, decide on a clear goal."


"Two Arabic words to take note of; iradaa which means strong wind and azima which means strong desire."

"Take away bad habits like they are parasites."


At this point, my spirits were heightened. I grew determined to write out my goals and try to reach them. It doesn't need to be big and ambitious. Start with small ones, like to ensure to perform prayer within 30minutes after the azan. I think that can help us in not delaying our prayers, don't you think?


Next session was to me, the main highlight of the day. Even with my awe for Sis. Yasmin, nothing can topple the next speaker. Sis. Raya Shokatfard's video documentary brought tears to me. An Iranian, she migrated to the States at a young age and was quickly consumed with chasing worldly materials. She was very successful, she even got to drive Rolls Royce in her early 20s which at that time, is huge. But sadly, she looked to other religions to soothe her anxiety in heart. Hinduism, Buddhism, New Age and Christianity influenced her and took her away from Allah. But she never did convert. She just got lost and decided to really learn on the religions. What she was seeking for, only her and Allah has the answer. But imagine being lost for so long and when she found the Quran, it was like a child who had been lost and found his/her mother and the child refuses to let go, afraid of being lost again. That was who I felt when I rediscovered my true identity, as a Muslimah. I was already crying a bucket here. I will remember the feeling that strucked me when she said, 


"We always tend to forget Allah, but Allah never forget or leaves us."


Masya-Allah. Such an overwhelming feeling.


Sheikh Tawfique stepped on the stage to talk on his current project and he mentioned this:

Those in Jannah keeps asking those in Jahanaam, "Why are you in hell?" They will reply, "We did not pray and we did not feed the poor."

Finally, Sis. Yasmin took the stage again as the final speaker. I knew I was in for a comprehensive ending before the Maghrib break. And I was right. Some of her highlights were,


"There are 2 places that we can hold a gift; our hands and our heart."


"He pardons most."


"The one who mends, can mend it if you seek it."


"Things that we love more than God will kill us."


"Ask the following questions; What do you think about most? What makes you cry? What makes you most angry? What is the first thing you think in the morning? What is the last thing you think at night? What keeps you up at night? What do you think about in your prayers? Did you answer God? Or something else?"


"We forget that when we don't pray, we harm not our parents, friends or loved ones... We only harm ourselves."


"Ignoring the reality does not mean it will not happen."


"Nothing will stop Death."


"Nothing will delay The Day of Judgement."


"It is not good to love creations over Creator."


I didn't stay on until the end as the event will only finish at 10, that's a bit too late for me who stays 40minutes away. So I dropped off my girlfriend and headed back home to my cat, with a new burst of excitement in me. A light, a fire that cannot and will not be put off. I hope that by sharing what I learned at the conference will help all and myself included to be a better Muslim/Muslimah and even closer to Him, insyaAllah.

Empowered!